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Post Round Dump, North Pole, Boston, MA (2026)

10/15/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF MATHMATICAL ODDITIES:

A local man who holds dual doctorates in quantum mechanics and applied mathematics has today announced a temporary leave of absence, after suffering a catastrophic mental breakdown while trying to calculate how the f**k Liam Lawson hasn’t been signed to a full time Formula 1 seat for next year.

Dr. Lee Gahmaibawls, a bloke whose day job involves crunching predictive algorithms for multi billion dollar sovereign wealth funds, was found this morning rocking back and forth on the floor of his terrace, surrounded by three empty longnecks, a stack of telemetry data from the Dutch Grand Prix, and several butchers' paper sheets covered in frantic algebra.

According to family, the incident began during Sunday's debrief, when Gahmaibawls attempted to apply basic deductive logic to the Red Bull driver development academy.

Colleagues confirm Dr. Gahmaibawls had spent the better part of 72 hours attempting to build a linear programming model to understand the Red Bull hierarchy, only to find the variables kept defying the laws of classical physics.

"You run the numbers, and the equation always simplifies down to the exact same result: Just give the bloody Kiwi the keys!" muttered a visibly shaken Gahmaibawls.

At press time, Dr. Gahmaibawls was seen walking into his local bottle shop, having decided that attempting to comprehend Red Bull’s driver management pipeline was significantly more dangerous to human sanity than staring directly into a solar eclipse.

Liam Lawson

10/14/2026

FROM THE PR DEPARTMENT OF CRYSTAL BALL VISIONS

2026 Bathurst 1000 bold predictions featuring Post Round dump, The Great Race can be an unpredictable beast so anything can be possible as last year proved.

Got your bold predictions for the race? (not stuff like Triple Eight top 10 or parity complaining) Leave your bold predictions in the comments.

10/13/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF BSOD:

While Team 18 officially tried to fob off Sunday’s Bathurst 1000 heartbreak as a "fuel strategy software issue", the paddock rumour mill has revealed the true technical nightmare that cost Anton De Pasquale the Peter Brock Trophy on the final lap.

Following extensive pitlane investigations while waiting in line for the portaloo, Post Round Dump can confirm the blunder occurred because the team had covertly zip tied Peter Brock’s Polariser boxes in both Chevrolet Camaros in a desperate bid to align the cars' molecular harmonics across the top of Mount Panorama.

The fatal oversight, however, came down to legacy IT architecture.
Brock’s metaphysical field telemetry is strictly incompatible with anything modern, requiring 16 bit serial drivers that are only compatible with computers running Windows 95 or earlier.

"The boys wanted that Brocky magic down Conrod, but modern machines won’t even recognise an orgone device driver," revealed a source close to the pit wall.
Team owner Charlie Schwerkolt maintained nobody would be sacked for the blunder, though the squad is working around the clock to upgrade its computing horsepower.

At the time of publication, Team 18 was understood to be frantically trawling Facebook Marketplace for a job lot of Pentium II powered towers within 50km of Surfers Paradise, desperately hoping to have them pickup ready before the Supercars Finals get underway at the Gold Coast 500.

Supercars
Team 18
HDT Special Vehicles

10/12/2026

FROM THE PRD WORK EXPERIENCE KID:

For as long as motorsport has existed, its fans have wanted one thing. Less of it.

While Supercars management has long fulfilled this wish of the fans, recently they have been causing a stir by threatening to add more races to the calendar. Luckily some of the sport's biggest teams and Erebus have made a stand against the greed of Supercars.

According to insiders close to the team, Erebus team boss Barry Ryan said “We feel like we have a duty of care for the fans of this sport. We know how much the fans hate Phillip Island and just how much they adore Ipswich. We’re here to give them what they want.” Despite the fact that no one was listening.

Another insider reports that Mark Dutton said something about money and charters or something, but they weren’t really listening.

Yet another mysterious and anonymous source tells us they overheard Stephen Grove saying “We’ve been watching a lot of Formula One recently and we’ve learnt a lot. Those European bastards are getting more and more popular while we’ve stagnated.”

“It’s the celebrities and ticket prices I reckon. I’d like to see Kim K and the Beckham family in Ipswich, but less races will do, I guess.”

Supercars is proposing a deal with the five teams involved. As Post Round Dump understands, the most realistic outcome will be a 12 round calendar with each round being held exclusively at the fan favourite ‘Paperclip’ in Ipswich.

- Griffin Tuckey
(PRD WORK EXPERIENCE KID )

10/12/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF WACKY DANCING:

Financial advisers representing veteran pub rock outfit Midnight Oil have this morning instructed the band to drastically rein in their personal discretionary spending, as the final chequered flag at Mount Panorama brings an abrupt end to the most lucrative 96 hour window in the Australian mountain themed music calendar.

Between Thursday morning’s opening practice sessions and Sunday evening’s podium celebrations, the 1990 track from the Blue Sky Mining album served as the mandatory, inescapable, and legally unquestioned audio backdrop for an estimated 48 million pieces of short form vertical video.

Every single clip uploaded south of the equator, ranging from high end corporate reels of a Gen3 Mustang downshifting into The Chase to shaky 480p amateur footage of a bloke tripping on unpegged marquee in Reid Park was paired with the exact same opening drum countdown.

According to figures released by APRA, the sheer volume of 12 second clips triggered a tidal wave of 0.0004 cent micro royalties that briefly propelled Peter Garrett into the same tax bracket as a Gina Rinehart mining subsidiary.
However, as the nation’s content creators close CapCut, that corporate revenue tap has been violently shut off.

The sharp downturn has reportedly prompted an emergency creative meeting at Supercars HQ. With the Supercars championship heading next to the Gold Coast 500, executives have spent the morning frantically scouring the back catalogue to see if the Oils ever penned a four minute track that vaguely rhymes with concrete chicanes, Meter Maids, or Cavill Avenue.

"Unfortunately, Pete wrote heavily about Indigenous land rights, environmental destruction, and corporate greed in the Pilbara," a Supercars insider sighed.

"He never really got around to writing an upbeat anthem about doing skids past an all inclusive Surfers Paradise high rise, which means we’re going to lose the entire late October digital market share to Cold Chisel or a sped up remix of Dom Dolla."

10/11/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF MOTORSPORT BASED RELEASE:

Motorsport purists and blokes who have spent the last 5 hours watching a very mundane Bathurst were treated to a masterclass in psychological torture today, as the Great Race delivered five straight hours of slow sleep inducing edging before casually cramming an entire weekend’s worth of drama into the final ten minutes.

For roughly 150 or so laps, the Bathurst 1000 unfolded less like a death defying spectacle and more like a cure for Insomnia.

By hour four, half the mountain had slipped into a mild, sun baked coma. Dads up and down Australasia were caught napping with a lukewarm tinny resting precariously on their knees, while their teenage sons aimlessly scrolled TikTok waiting for literally anyone to touch the wall.

"It was pure psychological warfare," said spectator Darren 'Dazza' Higgins, who had consumed six pre mix cans and two lukewarm dagwood dogs while waiting for something….anything….to happen.

"They were edging us. For five hours straight, mate. I kept waking up every 40 minutes, looking at the big screen, seeing them driving in a neat little line, and falling right back asleep."

However, just as the crowd was preparing to pack up their gazebos and accept a thoroughly sensible, processional finish, the race gods decided to finally allow fans what they have been waiting for.

The ultimate crescendo arrived on the very last lap, as Anton de Pasquale’s V8 began spluttering like a waterlogged outboard motor, running completely out of juice within sight of the chequered flag. The heartbreaking fuel dry out allowed Brodie Kostecki to pounce, sn**ching a dramatic, last gasp victory right at the death and sending the mountain into a frenzy of spilled l***r and instant amnesia.

"Absolute bloody classic," declared a suddenly wide awake Dazza, completely forgetting he had slept through 90% of the broadcast. "You just can't beat Mount Panorama."

Brodie Kostecki Todd Hazelwood Lucky Dogs

10/11/2026

RACE UPDATE:

Millions of motorsports enthusiasts have reportedly entered a collective mid afternoon trance, as the Bathurst 1000 reaches the halfway mark in what experts are calling an offensively disciplined display of driving.

With zero Safety Cars called, zero supercars wedged sideways into the wall at The Cutting, and precisely zero brawls breaking out in the pit lane,(well, maybe apart from Grove Racing…) the Great Race has so far failed to deliver the unhinged carnage that Australian tradition demands.

Across the country, the rhythm of cars cruising around Mount Panorama at a polite, respectful distance from one another has reduced living room soundscapes to a steady drone of V8 engines, periodically punctuated by heavy snoring from a dad on a La-Z-Boy holding an unopened, lukewarm b**r.

"If someone doesn't lock up and slide into the sand trap in the next twenty minutes, I’m gonna have to go back inside and listen to my sister in law talk about her kitchen tiles."

Claims Hugh Djick, a 62 year old father of three.

At time of press, race commentators were reportedly clinging to sanity by wildly over hyping a 0.3-second gap during a routine tire change, while half the nation quietly considers getting up to mow the front lawn before the final stint.

More to come.

10/10/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF BLOODY OUTRAGE:
The FIA has today bowed to immense diplomatic pressure from the Australian Federal Government, confirming that McLaren driver Lando Norris will face traditional Australian corporal punishment for his heinous crimes against Oscar Piastri.

The international incident, which occurred during the 2026 Singapore Grand Prix Sprint, saw the British driver attempt a completely unhinged kamikaze overtake on Turn 5, sending Australia’s most beloved softly spoken Victorian directly into the barriers.

Despite McLaren team principal Andrea Stella insisting the matter would be handled "in private," The Australian Government has invoked a rarely used 1995 treaty( first established during the infamous Bart Simpson diplomatic crisis) demanding Norris face ‘The Boot’.

"He reckons he saw a gap, but the only gap I saw was between his bloody ears," stated the Prime Minister this morning, polishing a giant, novelty sized leather boot adorned with the Commonwealth Coat of Arms.

"You don't just T bone a bloke from Brighton and get away with a slap on the wrist and an 8th place finish. It's a bloody outrage, it is.”

Oscar Piastri, maintaining a characteristically horizontal heart rate, remained entirely unbothered by the escalating international incident.

"I told them the boot might be a bit much for a Sprint race, but the government was pretty keen on it. Should be a good laugh anyway. Everyone knows where we sit, so yeah, we'll all be fine and keep pushing together like we always do."

10/10/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF FINISHING DENIAL:

Thousands of sunbaked larrikins up at McPhillamy Park were left completely spent this afternoon, after watching master Bates put on a rapid solo show to ensure Bush couldn't quite come first at the Mountain.

It seemed almost certain that Bush was going to come first, until young Bates took matters into his own hands.

Refusing to be satisfied with second best, master Bates maintained a firm grip, adjusted his rhythm through the tightest turns, and squeezed every last drop out of his rear end to sn**ch pole position right at the peak of the action.

More to come.

Zach Bates Bendix
Matt Stone Racing

10/08/2026

FROM THE PRD DEPARTMENT OF SANDBAGGING:
A humble soil and gravel yard on the outskirts of town has reported unprecedented demand this week, after pit crew members from nearly every Supercars team on Mount Panorama reportedly cleared out his entire stock of sandbags.

Gary "Gaz" Higgins, owner of Local Landscape Supplies, says he was ambushed by covered car transporters and unmarked Ford Transits outside his gate earlier this week.

"This bloke in a $4,000 fireproof suit and a headset walks in, looks around real twitchy, and asks if I’ve got enough sandbags to 'suppress about six tenths of a second down Conrod'." Higgins said, leaning over his counter while taking a pull from an early morning ice coffee.

"They cleaned me right out," Higgins confirmed. "The Triple Eight blokes took two pallets, then Erebus rocked up and bought three, and then Walkinshaw bought whatever was left on the floor just so DJR couldn't get their hands on it."

When asked about the sandbag purchase, one prominent team principal (who asked to remain anonymous while wearing a high vis team coat and holding a shovel) insisted the sandbags were entirely for keeping the marquees from blowing away.

"Look mate, the track is just real green today," the team boss explained, while two junior mechanics hurriedly stashed four bags of sand under the car's floorboard. "We’re running a very conservative engine map. Very high fuel. Absolutely no point showing our hand before the Top Ten Shootout. We are definitely not sandbagging….these sandbags are purely for garage acoustics."

Meanwhile, Higgins says he has already placed an emergency order for ten extra truckloads from Orange, anticipating another massive rush from teams looking to "adjust their straight line speed" ahead of Sunday's race.

Post Round Dump

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