Auffenberg Express Car Wash

07/13/2026

It sucks. Well, actually, specficially it DOESN'T suck right now. But we're fixing it. We're waiting on a part and that should be delivered today or tomorrow and then we will suck again.

06/22/2026

Is your car dirty?

06/10/2026

The reality of the world is that not every child has the same opportunities. We can't help EVERYWHERE, but we can help our neighbors. If you have extras at home or have room in your heart (and wallet) - Hoyleton serves over 6,000 families in our community. Each of our stores is a collection site - we hope you will join us in helping.

05/25/2026

Bees and flowers are great. Pollen on your car is not. Pollen is acidic. On a microscopic level - it's spikey. That means - it can hurt your car's clearcoat.
WASH YOUR CAR.

05/24/2026

Memorial Day Hours
Open 8 am to 4 pm

05/22/2026

We will be open on Memorial Day from 8 am to 4 pm.

05/19/2026

Teachers! This one is for you!

🍎✏️ St. Clair County Teachers, this one’s for YOU! ✏️🍎
Thank you for the long hours, the patience, the dedication, and the difference you make every single day. To show our appreciation for everything you do, we’re giving teachers employed within St. Clair County, IL a FREE oil change! 🚗💙
It’s our small way of saying THANK YOU for helping shape the next generation.
📚 must mention TEACHER when scheduling and show valid teacher id badge, employed within a St. Clair County, Illinois school during check in
📍 Appointment required - free oil change date only valid for June 2nd, 3rd, or 4th 2026
📍up to five quarts oil - diesel and specialty vehicles extra
📍limited appointment availability - MAKE YOUR APPOINTMENT NOW

*excludes Auffenberg Hyundai

05/11/2026

Pollen is acidic, and when combined with moisture from morning dew or rain, it can eat through your clear coat, causing staining and paint etching. Furthermore, its tiny, spike-like structure can cause micro-scratches if wiped off while dry.

05/06/2026

Have you met Bulldozer from Gateway Pet Guardians?

Here's his dating profile:

Name: Bulldozer
Age: 1.5 years old
Breed: Mastiff mix / sentient loveseat
Weight: 120 lbs
Head Size: Legally considered a studio apartment

About Me:
I’m built like a linebacker but emotionally? A baby seal.

Yes, my head is enormous. It enters rooms before the rest of me. Small children have used it as a coffee table. Scientists are still unsure how my neck supports it. If you’ve ever wanted to kiss a cinder block with feelings, I’m your guy.

I’ve been returned before because apparently “too big” and “a little slobbery” are complaints now. Sorry I was created in XL cuddle mode. Sorry my face leaks when I’m happy. Sorry I look like I guard a junkyard when really I cry if you stop petting me.

Fun facts about me:
• Quiet and calm in the house
• Great with kids, cats, dogs, and basically anyone willing to acknowledge my existence
• Believes personal space is a government conspiracy
• Will follow you everywhere like a depressed security guard
• Has the giant square head of a medieval battering ram but uses it exclusively for affection

My ideal relationship:
You accepting that half your bed belongs to me even though I sleep diagonally.
Me staring at you with deep emotional intensity while drooling on your throw pillows.

05/06/2026

Wash weather.