11/22/2023
I Wish
I wish my loved one hadnāt diedā¦.and I wish I had him back.
I wish you wouldnāt avoid saying his name and asking me about him. He was really important to me, and Iād like to know that he was important to you as well. When I cry because you do talk about him, I wish you knew it wasnāt because you hurt my feelings.
I cry because his death makes me sadā¦but if you allow me to share my griefā¦Iāll be forever thankful.
If it seems like Iām grieving too long, I wish you wouldnāt think Iām not dealing with it well...because for me thereās no end to the grief I feel. Iāll suffer my loss for the rest of my life, and Iām trying my best to live with that reality.
I wish you could understand that I canāt help thinking about him. My life was shattered when he died, and Iām doing my best to put the pieces back together. That may take a very long timeā¦so please be patient with me.
Hereās the thingā¦.I wish you knew that I have to hurt to heal.
When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't really feel okay, and that Iām just saying that to make you feel betterā¦because, inside, Iām sometimes slowly dying.
I wish you could realize that I do all I can to just make it through each day, and that grief changes peopleā¦because when my loved one diedā¦part of me went with him. Iām not the same person I was before he diedā¦and Iāll never be that person again.
I wish that you could understand my lossā¦my griefā¦my painā¦my silenceā¦and my tearsā¦but to be honestā¦I wish that youāll never have to understand.
Gary Sturgis - āSurviving Griefā
