05/25/2026
🚨 MISSING VEHICLE REPORT 🚨
The 2026 Subaru Uncharted has been missing for several hours.
A person was given the keys to the all-new 2026 Subaru Uncharted for a quick photo shoot. The last text we received said:
"Testing complete."
Moments later they were spotted by Mountain Patrol:
✅ Reporting that Bigfoot gave the Uncharted a 10/10 review.
✅ Claimed Bigfoot was "just a really hairy co-pilot."
✅ Asked if the dealership would notice if it was gone "just one more day."
✅ Attempted to add Bigfoot as an authorized driver.
✅ Telling Mountain Patrol, "You'll understand when you drive it."
✅ Using all 270+ miles of range strictly for "research purposes."
✅ Taking "just one more picture" at every overlook.
✅ Taking the scenic route.
✅ Ignoring perfectly good highways.
✅ Last seen teaching Bigfoot how to use the panoramic roof.
Authorities believe the vehicle is encouraging this behavior.
If you see the suspect, do not attempt to stop them. The combination of up to 338 horsepower and Colorado backroads appears to be highly distracting.
🎥 Full investigation report coming soon.
