12/01/2023
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A Mother's Cry
The roller coaster of emotions that weave in and out of my life, never knowing if its ok to be happy, if its ok to live my life and pursue my dreams. The guilt, the shame, the worrying were blocking the gate to my life. How can I be happy? Be fulfilled? While my daughter is homeless and in the throws of addiction to a drug that could take her life at any moment?
Some would say “Its her choice, let her be and move on”, “don’t give her money or enable her” while I know that she still needs to eat or sleep.
How can they be so heartless? Do they not know that she once was my little girl? That she was sweet and kind and loved family and loved to laugh. The girl that was simple and would have been happy living in a cardboard box (even though we never knew it would come true one day).
This was my little girl who developed epilepsy at 5 years old and struggled with medications and the idea that something was wrong with her thereby effecting her self-esteem. Between our divorce, her young pregnancy and a toxic relationship, her ability to cope continued to weigh her down. Anxiety worsening until she was introduced to Percocet. She has found the magic pill that enables her to “function and cope” with the demons inside.
I remember a couple of times when she detoxed but did not go to rehab and afterwards was practically psychotic; begging and screaming for me not to leave her alone. Her need to self-medicate was a matter of life or death.
What is a mother to do? I was helpless. I could not make her get better as I watch the relationship between her and her daughters deteriorate. How can I explain to them…..anything?
She loves them I know but it doesn’t look like it…it doesn’t feel like it…she doesn’t see them to protect them… she only knows her world on the street and her next fix to survive. She knows the girls are safe and loved but that does nothing for them who for 10 years have had their mother no matter how strained it was, they were close and together all the time. Are they better off now? Sure. They are stable and loved and cared for beyond measure but they have lost their mother and they are angry and sad. No one can fill that role, no one. What hole has been left in their hearts?
Your donation today will help keep families together.
Unresolved trauma results in generational trauma that perpetuates isolation, anxiety, depression, addiction and su***de.
Join me under the blanket of love and compassion to heal the wounds of the heart through connection, acceptance and meeting each other where they are. A place where judgement does not exist.
Your heartfelt donation will support more people with love and opportunities for connection and growth in healing by providing a safe space of love, connection, and community without judgement serving all people in recovery to find their own path to a peaceful and purposeful best life.
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