06/17/2026
📢 NEIL MADE ME POST THIS. AND SINCE NEIL IS THE REASON YOU’RE READING THIS, NEIL IS ABOUT TO BE THE SUBJECT OF IT. 📢
So here’s the thing — we have been absolutely buried at The New Garage for the past several months, and I mean buried in the good way, the kind of busy where you look up and it’s somehow Thursday and you haven’t returned three phone calls and you can’t remember if you ate lunch, and somewhere in the middle of all of that the page just went quiet because when you’re wrist deep in a transmission at 4:30 in the afternoon, social media is approximately the last thing on your mind. Eric has been selling tires at a pace that would make McDonald’s uncomfortable about their hamburger numbers. Tim has been diagnosing things that other shops gave up on. I have been doing what I do. We have been busy. Good busy. The kind of busy that means Bloomsburg is trusting us with their vehicles and we take that seriously.
But Neil noticed the silence on the page, and Neil had feelings about it, and last week Neil pulled me aside and said — and I want you to know he said this with complete sincerity — “The page has been too quiet. I miss the posts. The people miss the posts.” And then he looked at me with the expression of a man who owns a shop and therefore technically signs my check, so I said “yes sir” and here we are.
You’re welcome, Neil.
And since Neil is entirely responsible for this post existing, Neil is entirely responsible for what happens next.
Now. Neil used to work in auto body. He was good at it — genuinely talented — and for as long as any of us can remember, Neil has carried around this quiet dream of opening his own body shop someday. We have always supported this dream. We think it is a fine dream. We believe in Neil.
What we did not anticipate was the dream deciding to express itself through the wholesale acquisition of front-end damaged Chevrolets.
It started a few weeks ago when Neil pulled into the lot with a Chevy Trax that had clearly had a very bad day at some point in its recent past, the whole front end looking like it lost an argument with something that was not interested in losing, and Neil climbed out and said “I’m gonna fix it up, good money in body work,” and we said okay, and he said “I already did seventy-five percent of it,” and we said great, and that was that. Except here is the thing about that seventy-five percent — it has remained seventy-five percent for what is now going on several weeks, sitting in the lot every single morning when we pull in, patiently waiting, seventy-five percent done on Monday, seventy-five percent done on Friday, seventy-five percent done in rain and sunshine alike, with no apparent ambition to become eighty percent done or any other percentage. Every morning John looks at it. Every morning it looks back. Chase the shop dog started sitting next to it last week, and we have decided he feels sorry for it, which makes one of us, because the rest of us have moved on to concern.
Chase, incidentally, also stole the hoagie out of Neil’s lunch while Neil was standing in the parking lot staring at the Trax thinking about the body shop. Neil did not notice. He was deep in thought about a dream.
One week after the Trax arrived — one week, seven days, not a long time by any measure — Neil came back with a Diesel Silverado that had introduced its right front corner to a telephone pole at a speed and enthusiasm that the telephone pole clearly did not appreciate or survive without significant feelings about the matter, and Neil said he was going to fix it up and use it to haul his race cars to the track on race nights, which is a completely reasonable thing to want except that there is still a Trax in the parking lot at seventy-five percent, and when Eric pointed this out Neil said “the Trax is a process, Eric” in the tone of a man who has considered the matter fully and does not require further input. Tim walked outside, looked at the Silverado, came back inside, and said nothing, because sometimes Tim is the wisest person in the building. Chase sniffed the Silverado, sneezed directly onto it with great commitment, and walked away, which is honestly a professional opinion at this point and we are choosing to respect it.
Then came the Chevy Cruze.
We want to be clear that nobody at The New Garage requested the Chevy Cruze, nobody predicted the Chevy Cruze, and nobody was emotionally prepared for the Chevy Cruze, and yet there it was — front end damage, naturally — and it is currently occupying Bay 1 in a state of complete disassembly, with various pieces of Cruze distributed around the bay in an arrangement that suggests either a very organized plan or no plan at all, and honestly at this point we have stopped asking questions and are simply working around it the way you work around a piece of furniture that someone moved and never moved back. Eric said “Neil, that’s three” and Neil said “body work is recession proof” and Eric stared at the wall for a moment and then went back to selling tires because what else are you going to do.
Chase walked into Bay 1, surveyed the situation, picked up a piece of Cruze trim in his mouth, walked it out to the parking lot, set it down near the Trax, and walked away, and we are genuinely unsure if he is building something or making a statement, but either way we are leaving him to it.
Now here is where the story takes a turn.
Tuesday afternoon a gentleman walked through the front door in a very nice black suit — calm, unhurried, briefcase in hand, carrying the kind of dignified energy that comes from spending a career handling situations that require complete composure — and he walked up to Eric at the counter and said he had heard that the owner of The New Garage was looking to open a body shop and needed experienced staff, and that he had twenty-three years of experience preparing bodies, and that he specialized in restoration, presentation, and ensuring that everything looked its absolute best for the final send-off.
Eric processed this for a moment.
“When you say preparing bodies—” Eric started.
“Mortuary certification, 2001,” the man said pleasantly. “Twelve years at Harding’s, then seven at Peaceful Valley. I’ve handled hundreds of cases. Very detail-oriented work. I understand the owner here has a vision.”
“The owner,” Eric said carefully, “has a Chevy Trax that is seventy-five percent done.”
The man looked at Eric.
“And a Silverado with front end damage,” Eric continued. “And a Cruze in Bay 1. And a dream.”
“Who told me to come here,” the man said.
“Sir,” Eric said, “that is a question we would also very much like answered.”
The gentleman looked around the shop the way a person looks around a room when they are recalibrating their expectations, and his gaze moved from Eric to Bay 1 where the Cruze sat in pieces, and then out the window toward the parking lot where the Trax waited at its eternal seventy-five percent with Chase sitting beside it holding a piece of trim, and then the man picked up his briefcase and handed Eric a business card and walked out with the quiet dignity of someone who has seen genuinely difficult situations in his career and has decided this one isn’t worth the paperwork.
The card said Peaceful Valley Funeral Home. Celebrating Lives Well Lived.
Eric held it for a long time.
Tim came in from the shop, saw Eric’s expression, looked at the card. “What do you want to do with it?” Tim asked.
“I think,” Eric said, “I’m going to give it to Neil.”
Neil was not in the building. He was at an auction.
He came back with a parts car.
So this is our formal, public, completely sincere plea to the greater Bloomsburg community and surrounding areas: if you know of a shop space that Neil can rent at a reasonable rate — a garage, a barn, a large shed, a building of any description with enough room for three damaged Chevrolets and the ambitions of a man who is absolutely, definitely, any day now going to finish that Trax — please reach out. We will be forever grateful. We are not picky. We just need Bay 1 back.
We are also accepting suggestions for hobbies. Fishing. Woodworking. Golf. Competitive corn watching. Literally anything that does not involve an auction and a trailer.
Meanwhile, The New Garage remains open, fully operational, and genuinely delighted to take care of your vehicle. We are busy — good busy — and we are not going anywhere. We also buy and sell used vehicles, cars, trucks, ATVs, UTVs — and unlike Neil, we generally prefer them with the front end still attached, though at this point we understand the appeal.
Eric is selling tires at a historic pace and would like everyone to know that he is single and that these two facts are somehow, mysteriously, unrelated. Nokian and Vredestein — the finest European rubber available — and Eric will tell you about both of them whether you ask or not. He will also mention that he is single a second time, just in case you missed it the first time.
Come see us.
đź“ž 570-784-1907
đź“Ť 3093 Columbia Blvd, Bloomsburg PA
Snap Finance available — 100 days same as cash. Chase is also available for emotional support. Do not bring hoagies near him unless you intend to share, which he will interpret as you intending to share.
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