Blanco Texas Y'all

Blanco Texas Y'all The City of Blanco, Texas -- Located in the dark area of the map between Austin and Fredericksburg labeled "Here be dragons"

We’re so proud to announce that Mayor Arthur Cobb has been inducted into the Rylan Star League and will be defending the...
05/01/2024

We’re so proud to announce that Mayor Arthur Cobb has been inducted into the Rylan Star League and will be defending the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada! The mayor has spent countless hours training on the arcade machine inside Stripes and his high score has attracted the attention of the Star League recruitment office.

The mayor will now lead the Rylan fleet toward victory, saving our galaxy from the Ko-Dan Empire. At this time, Mayor Cobb will NOT have office hours and will NOT attend council meetings while he’s battling Xur’s forces. Issues that may be important to Blanco citizens are not as important as saving the galaxy so you’ll just have to chill.

The mayor promises to take a break from galactic warfare to set people straight on social media and make sure all the haters and liars know their place.

We're pleased to announce that on April 26, 2024, all of the remaining Blanco police officers will receive a $3,200 annu...
04/22/2024

We're pleased to announce that on April 26, 2024, all of the remaining Blanco police officers will receive a $3,200 annual pay increase, effective as of April 1. The Mayor and City Council unanimously approved this retention increase in late March but forgot about it until now. This increase reflects unequivocal support for the officers (who haven't yet resigned) and what's left of the department.

The Mayor, City Council, city staff, and all of Blanco salute the police officers and the incredible job they do for the city. All of Blanco City Council is committed to developing a fresh, new relationship with the police department to replace the withered husk of the old relationship. City council is currently reviewing measures to better communications, retain current staff, and attract new qualified officers.

Thank you to everyone who sent us these magnificent solar eclipse photos. It looks like everyone enjoyed today's amazing...
04/08/2024

Thank you to everyone who sent us these magnificent solar eclipse photos. It looks like everyone enjoyed today's amazing phenomenon. Put your photos in the comments!

Now that the eclipse is over, head on down to the Square and do some shopping. Some new plants just arrived! Very strang...
04/08/2024

Now that the eclipse is over, head on down to the Square and do some shopping. Some new plants just arrived! Very strange and exotic. You can get one for $1.95.

04/08/2024

The eclipse is starting! Thank you to all the Cemetery Guards on duty today. They'll take care of anyone who tries to climb out!

04/08/2024

We just found out there's an eclipse TODAY!? When did it move? 1st Annual Blanco Solar Eclipse Festival is all setup for tomorrow.

Will the Eclipse Bring The Rapture, Human Sacrifices, or Zombies?Some of you may remember the last total solar eclipse o...
04/06/2024

Will the Eclipse Bring The Rapture, Human Sacrifices, or Zombies?

Some of you may remember the last total solar eclipse over Texas back in 1878. Texas is a bit different these days. Cars have been invented since then! Total solar eclipses are a strange experience and some people are unnecessarily afraid.

Wild conspiracy theories and supposed prophesies are spreading all over social media in the days leading up to the eclipse.

Will there be human sacrifices? The county sheriff's office must be notified of any planned human sacrifice. Please call their non-emergency line to report the time and location of your human sacrifice. They'll let you know if human sacrifice is currently banned in the county.

Will the emanations from the solar eclipse activate the 5G nanochips in the vaccinated population leading to hordes of brain-hungry zombies roving the county in search of victims? Oh, heavens no. What a thing to think! Everyone has been exposed to rare earth magnets for weeks. We've zapped those nanochips.

Will the eclipse bring The Rapture? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely the 115-mile-wide path of the solar eclipse shadow? ... I guess we'll find out.

The next total solar eclipse viewable from the United States won't be until 2044. No one is going to be around for that one -- so enjoy this one!

It's springtime in the Texas Hill Country and that can bring heavy rainfall and flooding. Here are some safety tips to k...
04/03/2024

It's springtime in the Texas Hill Country and that can bring heavy rainfall and flooding. Here are some safety tips to keep you safe on our streets.

ALERT! These empty shelves at Lowe's aren't caused by panic buying or emanations from the impending celestial event. Low...
04/02/2024

ALERT! These empty shelves at Lowe's aren't caused by panic buying or emanations from the impending celestial event. Lowe's is opening up shelf space for the truckload of Special "Solar Eclipse 2024" Flashlights that's arriving soon! Don't trip and fall during the eclipse. Get a Special "Solar Eclipse 2024" Flashlight! (These shelves are in the cold section because the flashlights contain cheese.)

Eclipse Safety: Experts Urge Texans To Prepare For April 9, 2024How to prepare for the big event:1. Anticipate higher tr...
04/02/2024

Eclipse Safety: Experts Urge Texans To Prepare For April 9, 2024

How to prepare for the big event:
1. Anticipate higher traffic on highways and increased crowds haphazardly parked on the sides of the road, blocking traffic while they look to the sky.
2. Get your errands out of the way before the eclipse or give up and accept that they won’t get done.
3. Fuel up gas tanks. Stock up on essential breads (such as rye and whole wheat), milk (both cow and nut milks), and toilet paper (quilted). Ensure you have an adequate supply of aluminum foil for during and after the eclipse -- NOT before.
4. HEY! Be prepared for potential disruptions.
5. Expect decreased cellular service and have multiple forms of communication. Check that your landline, CB radio, Ham radio, and smoke signals are in working order.
6. Expect potential delays in supply chains and deliveries, stock carts blocking aisles at Dollar General, broken coolers at Lowe's, and low water levels in the Blanco River.
7. Know local business hours. You will be quizzed.
8. Check the weather forecast beforehand. Dress appropriately to repel the outsider hordes that emerge for this celestial event.

04/01/2024

What's that smell? It's not skunks, it's eggs. Easter eggs from the Easter egg hunt. We hid eggs around the Courthouse Square and the kids had a blast hunting them down. But they didn't find 59 of the eggs. Eggs smell when they decompose.

What about the map? The careful, detailed map of where the eggs are hidden? The map was not made this year.

With the Solar Eclipse and Blanco's 1st Annual Solar Eclipse Festival in 8 days, we have a clock on this. The work is going to be exhausting and disgusting but we need a fine group of volunteers to come help find the eggs!

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Blanco, TX
78606

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