02/08/2026
Kasarani is not a real place.
A phone snatcher grabbed a phone at Seasons and took off on a brand-new motorcycle.
The man was riding like he had unlocked all the Fast & Furious DLCs.
Behind him? About 40 boda boda riders.
I said, "This is premium entertainment," and joined the convoy.
Reaching Hunters near Murema Primary School, the thief miscalculated, kissed the ditch, somersaulted, stood up, looked at his motorcycle one last time... and decided, "Life first!" He disappeared into thin air.
Now the motorcycle remained behind.
One group shouted, "Ichomwe!"
Another shouted, "Pelekeni police!"
A third group said absolutely nothing... they had already started removing the spare parts.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I've never seen a motorcycle undergo an autopsy while still warm.
One man left with the side mirrors.
Another disappeared with the headlight.
Someone walked away carrying the seat like he had come to collect an online order.
Another left rolling a wheel as if he was late for a Formula One pit stop.
Within five minutes, that motorcycle had been reduced from 2026 model to museum exhibit.
When the OCS Mwiki finally arrived, even the chassis looked embarrassed.
Imagine stealing a phone worth less than KSh 5,000 and donating a brand-new motorcycle to the people of Kasarani as "spare parts empowerment."
In Kenya, if crime doesn't finish you... wananchi will complete the syllabus.
