B13 Garage Rugby

B13 Garage Rugby B13 Garage - Providing the residents of Rugby with good, honest and reliable vehicle repairs. Photos of the B13 toy, our Nissan Pulsar GTi-R coming soon.

We provide MOT testing and retesting, vehicle repairs, servicing and diagnostics. Please like our page and come back regularly for updates, news and special offers. You can follow us on Twitter

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Mark pulled into his spot, ready for another day at B13. He glanced at his rearview mirror and smiled at the reflection ...
19/07/2023

Mark pulled into his spot, ready for another day at B13. He glanced at his rearview mirror and smiled at the reflection staring back at him.

"You got this, you're the man" he said aloud, just like he does every other day.

Stepping out of his RS6, Mark spotted an attractive customer walking towards him. Quickly tensing his biceps, he greeted her with a friendly smile and asked how he could help.

Mark knew she was into him; the clue was in her anatomy, unless she was a le***an. He chuckled as she blushed and suggested they go for a test drive to demonstrate the problem with her car.

Always up for an adventure, Mark headed over and the two of them hopped in her car to see what the issue was. She pulled into an empty car park nearby and turned to Mark to ask playfully if she could see one of his tiny condoms up close.

Mark was taken aback, still busy figuring out what could be wrong with her car.

"I wanted to feel it inside me", she added.

Luckily, Mark always carried a spare condom. "Sure, there you go, love. Tell your boyfriend there's plenty more where that came from!" he replied, throwing the condom at her.

Mark wasn't getting the hint. She tried again. "It's so hot in here, and the air con isn't working" she said, taking her top off.

"I can sort that; we've got the machine to re-gas your aircon. If it's not coming out at all, it could be a broken pipe or something, but we'll fix it. Pop it back to the garage, and I'll get it on the ramp." Mark answered.

This was just another moment in the life of Mark Birrell. Maintaining cars, serving the good people of Rugby. Another day at B13 Garage!

What a day 🎉 🎈🍻 Woke up with a sore head and a sore arse after a crazy day celebrating in the sun. Thanks the birthday l...
16/06/2023

What a day 🎉 🎈🍻

Woke up with a sore head and a sore arse after a crazy day celebrating in the sun.

Thanks the birthday love,

Biz

15/06/2023

With fame comes responsibility, and Mark Birrell is no stranger to that.

His legendary road trips around Europe, charity work in war-torn countries, and magical mechanical skills have made him an icon of the motoring world.

His bestselling books, his micro condom range and his microp***s support group have inspired less endowed men worldwide and helped them overcome their embarrassment and lead normal lives. They've been empowered to make love to their partners without fear and be proud of the size of their manhood.

Mark spent months working to establish Kenya's inaugural microp***s support group earlier this year.

The group's first meeting received an enormous response, with dozens of men attending and more people expressing interest in joining the group.

Mark's Kenyan group has recorded a video and a special birthday message to express their gratitude for all he has done and continues to do.

Check it out and show your support for Mark and his work. He is an inspiration to us all!

Thanks to Jamie Wright at JW Motors Recovery & Vehicle Transport Rugby West Midlands for shipping the container of B13 merchandise to the group.

The customer pleaded with him not to do it, but Mark couldn’t resist. He picked the MOT sheet from the printer and place...
14/06/2023

The customer pleaded with him not to do it, but Mark couldn’t resist.

He picked the MOT sheet from the printer and placed it on his desk to sign. The customer watched on as Mark picked up his pen and got to work, giggling as he drew.

“You shouldn’t do that, not without asking my pronouns first” the customer muttered.

Mark continued cackling to himself as he handed over the finished MOT sheet, still warm from the printer.

The customer looked down at the massively detailed p***s that Mark had created. He snatched the paper and stormed out of the garage, slamming the door before screeching off in his car, safe in the knowledge that it was roadworthy for another year.

But that wasn’t the end of it.

Mark was closing up as he heard a dog barking nearby. Stepping outside, he came face to face with his angry customer standing next to Mark’s pride and joy, his beloved Audi RS6.

“I told you not to mess with me” he/they screamed.

PC offered to back him up, but Mark refused. “Stand down Paul, this one’s personal.”

The customer learned an important lesson that day, as did his son. A lesson they’ll remember for the rest of their lives.

Liz Truss is receiving a lot of heat from the public, but she's determined to fight for what she believes in!⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣And t...
07/10/2022

Liz Truss is receiving a lot of heat from the public, but she's determined to fight for what she believes in!⁣⁣
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And that's why she decided to reach out to Mark Birrell for some PR advice and a bit of extra muscle!⁣⁣
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"Mark, I need your help," Liz said. "I'm getting a lot of flak from the public and the press, and I don't know what to do."⁣⁣
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"What seems to be the problem?" Mark asked.⁣⁣
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"Well, they're calling me all sorts of names," Liz replied. "They're saying I'm a traitor, a sell-out, and I don't care about scummy commoners."⁣⁣
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"Have you thought about being less of a c**t?" Mark suggested.⁣⁣
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Liz was taken aback by his frankness, but she knew he was only trying to help.⁣⁣
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"I don't know," Liz said. "I'm just so tired of all the negativity. I want to fight for what I believe in, but it's hard when everyone is against you."⁣⁣
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"That's tough," Mark said. "But you're not alone. I always get the same thing because of my Facebook posts."⁣⁣
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"Really?" Liz said, surprised. "I thought your posts were hilarious. I mean, the one about the tiny condoms was genius."⁣⁣
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"Those weren't jokes, Liz. Small condoms are hard to find, and even then, they're too big." Mark said matter-of-factly.⁣⁣
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"Oh goodness," Liz said, feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry."⁣⁣
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"No need to be sorry," Mark said. "It's just how god made me. But I don't let it stop me from doing what I want. I just keep on going, and eventually, people come around."⁣⁣
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"I hope so, Biz" Liz said.⁣⁣
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Liz took Mark's advice on board and decided to stop trying to please everyone.⁣⁣
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Feeling liberated, Liz went on stage with Birrell and announced her plans to concentrate on the wealthy and do as little as possible for the poor and the elderly; after all, what did they put into the economy? Nothing!⁣⁣
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"Oh f**k f**k sake, Liz. That's not what I meant! What have you done?!"

07/10/2022

Mark's heart sank as he opened his post. So & So Legal?⁣
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He picked up his phone to call Dan at Huxo Creative, responsible for his company's page. ⁣
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"For f**k sake, Dan, we've had a letter threatening legal proceedings if we carry on upsetting and offending people with our Facebook posts."⁣
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"What?" Dan said. "That can't be right. We haven't done anything wrong." ⁣
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"How do I find out who complained? Are they a man or a woman?" Mark asked.⁣
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"I don't know," Dan replied, "it could be one of the other genders".⁣
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"OTHER GENDERS?" Mark shouted. "What the hell are you talking about? There are only two genders, men and women. You're starting to sound like one of those le***ans."⁣
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"You mean feminists, Mark?"⁣
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"Same thing!" came the response. ⁣
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"This isn't the time," Dan said, "What does the letter say?"⁣
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Mark replied: "Basically, they're threatening to take us to court. Our Facebook posts upset people; if we carry on, we could be liable for damages."⁣
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"That's ridiculous," Dan said. "If somebody doesn't like what they read, surely they'd just unfollow the page and not continue to read the posts?"⁣
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"Well, that's what I said," Mark replied, "but they're not happy with that. They want us to take down all of our posts and issue a public apology."⁣
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⁣"Tell them to f**k off!" Dan suggested.
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"I know," Mark said, "but we do need to be careful. We don't want to risk B13 garage being shut down. What do you think? Some of the things you've got planned are a bit edgier than our usual posts. You might have to stop for a while."⁣
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Dan was silent for a moment before he responded:

The customer paced up and down the waiting room, running his hands through his hair. "What's taking so long?" he asked. ...
05/10/2022

The customer paced up and down the waiting room, running his hands through his hair. "What's taking so long?" he asked.
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"Why is he playing with an iPad? Surely he could be fixing my car?"
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Mark Birrell, the owner of B13 garage, looked up from his computer. ⁣
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"I'm sorry mate, I'm sure he's just looking up the part you need."

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The customer grumbled and continued to pace.
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Mark stepped out from behind his desk and put a firm but comforting hand on the man's shoulder. "It won't be much longer, I promise."
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The client, fearing he had upset Mark, apologised softly and took a seat, grimacing in apparent discomfort from his now injured shoulder.
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Mark didn't mean to be so rough, but he'd been working out and didn't know his own strength.
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The customer, still in pain, said through gritted teeth, "I'm so sorry Mark, I didn't mean to cause any trouble."
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"It's okay," Mark said. "I know you didn't mean it. Let me see if I can find a book or something for you to read while you wait."

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Mark rummaged through a pile of literature on the floor next to his desk, forcing apart the sticky pages of one his favourite magazines, "Cars, Bikes and Dick Loving D***s."
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"Here you go," Mark said, handing the customer a tattered magazine.
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"Thanks," the customer said, not wanting to offend Mark further.
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Mark smiled and returned to his desk and the customer escaped into the world of car and bike culture.
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It was just another day at B13 garage.

The high-pitched scream of "Marky" could be heard from the office, followed by footsteps running towards the reception d...
04/10/2022

The high-pitched scream of "Marky" could be heard from the office, followed by footsteps running towards the reception desk.
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PC hadn't seen Mark all weekend and couldn't contain his excitement at finally getting to see his hero again. He burst through the door, eager to give Mark a big hug and tell him all about his latest idea.
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"Halloween", he blurted out, barely taking a breath. "What if we had a Halloween party and everyone came in fancy dress? We could have prizes for the best costume, and I could do a little dance?"
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Mark didn't want to dampen PC's enthusiasm, but he had to gently tell him that a Halloween party probably wasn't the best idea for a garage. Maybe they could try something more low-key, like a car-themed pumpkin-carving contest?

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PC was disappointed, but he knew that Mark would come round to his way of thinking eventually. Undeterred, he hired a hot tub and booked a dozen escorts to entertain and service the customers.
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When Mark found out, he was livid. But what could he do? PC was his best mechanic, and customers loved him.
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So if you fancy sharing a hot tub with PC and the escorts or a passenger ride in one of Mark's cars, head down to B13 Garage to get your ticket.
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*Disclaimer: Please do not attempt to have sexual relations with your mechanic. We accept no responsibility for any injuries sustained while attempting this activity.*

Nobody enjoys waiting in the customer lounge while their car is being worked on. The clock watching, the uncertainty of ...
15/09/2022

Nobody enjoys waiting in the customer lounge while their car is being worked on. The clock watching, the uncertainty of how long it will take, the small talk with the other customers... you get it!
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And that's why we're introducing Waitress Wednesdays!
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From now on, we'll have a waitress on hand every Wednesday to keep you entertained while you wait. Your waitress will be on hand to bring you drinks and snacks and ensure you're comfortable while you wait. All for the bargain price of just £15!
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So come on down to B13 Garage this Wednesday and take advantage of our Waitress Wednesdays!
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*Waitress pictured does not represent the actual waitress on duty. If no waitress is available, PC has volunteered to strip off and serve customers instead.*

"I'm not sure what's going on here, but I like it! This Mark Birrell seems like a pretty inventive guy - As Rafiki in Th...
14/09/2022

"I'm not sure what's going on here, but I like it! This Mark Birrell seems like a pretty inventive guy - As Rafiki in The Lion King says, change is good, and change is necessary even though it’s tough."

No idea what the new guy, Boris, is waffling on about, but he's brought a mate down to ask if he can get a job too.

He's a little upset about missing out on a big promotion but apparently, Rishi's good with numbers and knows a few tricks to save us a fortune in taxes.

She started the engine and moved into gear⁣A loud crunch and pop almost burst her left ear⁣This sounds expensive; she st...
13/09/2022

She started the engine and moved into gear
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A loud crunch and pop almost burst her left ear
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This sounds expensive; she started to fear
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But for this lucky damsel, a hero was near
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She heard a roar in the distance like a plane in the sky
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But this was no plane; it was a car and a muscular guy
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He screeched to a halt and jumped out at the double
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Winked at the damsel and called, "hey hun, you in trouble?"
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My name's Biz, Mark Biz; I fix cars all day long
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I have a business, a garage; I'm handsome and strong
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Forget the AA and the RAC; you Better Call Birrell
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I'm your new favourite mechanic, and I'm hung like a squirrel
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Pop the hood and start the engine; let 'the Biz' take a look
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I'll fix it right here now or tow it away on a truck
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Down to the garage with all sorts of tools
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Where photos of me adorn all the walls
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You feared the worst and ended up with the best
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A mechanical genius in a skin-tight black vest
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Your knight in shining overalls; his weapon of choice, a wrench
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The real-life Dom Torretto; young, fast and hench
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There's nothing Mark can't do when it comes to fixing cars
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He's the man, the myth, the legend; the mechanic to the stars
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Lewis Hamilton tries to drive like him, and Vin Diesel plays him on the screen
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But there's only one Mark Birrell, and he's down at B13.
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So, if you're broken down or your car's just not quite right
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Give Birrell at B13 a call, and he'll fill you with delight
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He'll fix it for a fair price; he does it for good karma
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For the motorists of Rugby, he's your knight in shining armour

Address

Unit 3, 25 Somers Road
Rugby
CV227DG

Opening Hours

Monday 9am - 7pm
Tuesday 9am - 7pm
Wednesday 9am - 7pm
Thursday 9am - 7pm
Friday 9am - 7pm

Telephone

+447902140292

Website

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