17/06/2025
MASSIVE RESCUE OPERATION LAUNCHED AFTER MAN FALLS INTO STRAND ROAD POTHOLE
A huge Father's Day rescue effort is underway on the Strand Road today, as emergency services work to rescue a man who fell into one of the roadās gigantic potholes overnight, Pure Derry has learned.
āCCTV confirms that a local man, whilst attempting to cross to Moran's, Strand Road on foot, was observed falling into a big massy potholeā confirmed Constable Doug Hole from the PSNI.
āA dog walker heard faint screams for help early this morning, and when we sent a probe down, sure enough there was fella from Shanty at the bottom, starving and gasping for a smokeā
Initial efforts to reach him proved difficult, as standard rescue equipment doesn't go to such extreme depths. However local businesses in the area have rallied together to find innovative, manly solutions.
āJP Corry's sent down a lock of drain pipe, which we've connected together to create a life saving umbilical cord to the man's locationā explained local firefighter, Pete Burns.
āWe've been sending down fresh compressed air from Modern Tyres, sausage rolls from Moran's, and v**e oils from Walled City V**e - Strand Road all morning, but now he's copped on its all free, and remembered it's Father's Day!.ā¦.. so he's requesting a big massy burrito from GUAPO - Fresh Mexican. We are wile worried it will block the pipe.ā
āHe wants all four meatsā he confirmed.
Derryās elaborate pothole network has grown substantially in recent years, thanks to an alleged top secret joint-effort by the Road Service and NI Water, to create a cheap drainage system for the city.
āOur beloved potholes might be unpopular with local driversā explained spokesman, Rory Flood, ābut when it was bucketing down last week, they really saved our baconā
āBoth Strand Road and Foyle Road would still be under water if we weren't so diligent about preserving this critical drainage infrastructureā
Police have confirmed they are investigating allegations that the pothole in question was created by tyre replacement businesses on the Strand Road, in a sneaky effort to generate more business.
āWe're looking into it ā confirmed Police Derry City & Strabane
Happy Father's Day, men. āŗļøš