12/08/2022
Nun Kinley Dem, Wolakha Nunnery
โMy name is Kinley Dem. I am 31 years old; born and raised in Thimphu. I grew up in a loving and supportive family with two sisters - one elder and one younger. I went to Changangkha Lower Secondary School from 1996 -2004. Then, I studied at Motithang Higher Secondary School from 2005-2008. I finished high school with an outstanding result and I qualified for a full scholarship from the Royal Government of Bhutan to pursue my studies in the United States of America. There was another recipient for the same scholarship and I felt lucky I had a friend on this new journey. Sushma Thapa and I, only 17 then - travelled across the globe to the University of Nebraska, Kearney, central USA and experienced a completely different culture and life (totally outside our comfort zone). Not only did we find lasting friendship in each other, we found a lasting love for the USA as well.
Kearney was a small town with a population of over thirty three thousand. It was peaceful and an ideal place to study. In May 2013, I successfully graduated with an undergrad in Psychology and Social Work. Right after graduation, I returned to Bhutan. Psychology was new and picking up in Bhutan then. Only after a few weeks of my return, I saw an announcement on TV for a job at the oldest college in Bhutan. Sherubtse College wanted a resident tutor, someone qualified in Psychology. So, since counseling and student affairs were the main aspects of the job, I felt that it was perfect for me. I applied, got selected, and started yet another chapter of my life as I left for Sherubtse College in August, 2013.
I was new and alone in the far eastern side of Bhutan. Luckily, my maternal uncle was the Khenpo of Kanglung Shedra located right above the main road opposite to the college entrance. I found myself at the Shedra everyday helping out wherever I could and also attending all the religious programs. I was a Buddhist but to be honest, I didnโt understand what it meant. So while I spent more time at the Shedra, I was discovering and learning things; paving a path to light up and dispel my ignorance. In those moments I realized that I recited the Buddhist prayers without understanding the meaning. It was more of "Please help me clear any obstacles for a smooth exam" or occasionally, "this is for all the sentient beings" but I said those because my grandfather taught me and not because I actually comprehended the weight behind the meaning.
I visited Lhakhangs like any other Buddhist. I understood the concept of being compassionate but that had more to do with my upbringing than comprehending the meaning behind it. Even while I was in the U.S and every step of the way, I was aware of the fact that I was representing Bhutan. I wanted to show off my country, so I would talk about Bhutan. Buddhism always came up when Bhutan was mentioned but I had limited knowledge to share. So I researched and while talking about my country, I was also getting an in-depth insight into my own culture, traditions, and religion. While at Sherubtse, it was like a continuation of my research for I was drawn more toward people interested in Buddhism.
I was drawn more to the environment where Buddhism-related activities were organized. Spending time at the Shedra would get me contemplating everything. Whenever I had questions, from simple to complicated ones, there was always someone to help me understand. The peace that followed was something I wanted to keep with me forever.
After almost a year, I made up my mind to leave the life I knew (or so I thought) to become a nun. I proposed the idea to my father. He did not dismiss the idea but he had some reservations. After all, it is not something you can turn back from once you commit to it. And so, he suggested that I take time to study my mind and my 'sudden' interest. He advised me not to jump into it directly just because I enjoy the feeling at the moment. I remember how he explained to me how fickle our minds are and how I'll want something today but turn skeptical tomorrow. He suggested I take 3 years and if I still feel the same, then I have his blessings for a successful journey. My father is - I think truly more Buddhist than most people I have met in my life. He applies the basic fundamentals of Buddhism to every aspect of his life and in retrospect, I feel maybe the seed of Buddhism was planted in me from a young age because of my father.
I continued life in Sherubtse as a counselor and I especially loved the Counseling sessions. My students came to me with various issues and I would always advise them to seek solutions within themselves. I always applied the ideas of Buddhism to my sessions. To look within, understand why they are feeling the way they do and then learn how to deal with these emotions. I knew it was always easier said than done though. In these moments, I knew what to tell them but deep down I realized I never understood myself at all. I never took the time to look within. I didnโt know anything about the nature of my own mind. How could I help or guide someone when I felt lost personally? A lot of questions, doubts, and regrets emerged. Everything around me seemed vague. For 17 years. I studied different subjects, cultures and history but not for once have I thought about myself or my mind. There I was, sitting behind a rotating chair on my own table, in my own office with a Degree in Psychology, which some people would be proud of and yet I wasn't ecstatic about it. In fact, I had trouble regulating my own emotions. After my father suggested I take my time to decide on my life-changing decision, I asked myself so many times why I wanted to do this. It was at this moment that I got my answer. I want to help people understand their minds, hence when I got the chance to study human Psychology, I jumped at the opportunity. But for me to be effective, for my words to be effective, my ways to be effective, I needed to understand my own mind first. Ofcourse, there was the factor of non-attachment, where I ended up giving away my belongings when I understood how even owning a few pairs of clothing was enough. I used to keep my hair long and even a slight trim made me feel like I've lost something valuable but later realizing how naive I was, I cut my hair short and eventually ended up shaving off every strand. I was slowly understanding the value of change and the beauty of impermanence and I was able to let go of many things. But the moments with my students in counseling sessions were what solidified my decision.
While on my journey, I met Drungtsho Tandin who was organizing short courses for people interested in learning Buddhist philosophy. I happily joined and in 2014 for the first time got a glimpse into the life of a nun. The program was for two weeks, led by His Eminence Laytshog Lopen Sangay Dorji. It was a happy, enlightening, and a meaningful two weeks for me. I felt closer to myself than I've ever been. I continued learning by practicing on my own and also from many learned Khenpos and Lopens. The more I learned, the more resolved my decision to become a nun became.
Finally, by the end of 2016, I decided the life of a nun was the path for me. I informed my family and everyone was supportive and elated. Then, the legal procedures began for my resignation since I still had four years left from the bond I signed with the Government while I left for my studies and finally, after an elaborate discussion, I was sent to Losel Yangchenling Nunnery as an English teacher for the remaining years of the bond. I taught the English Language to the Nuns during my class schedule and the rest of the day, I joined the classes as a regular nun. It was a perfect setting for me and I will be eternally grateful to all the people involved in the decision making.
In January 2017, during Tashigang Moenlam Chenmo, I was officially ordained as a Nun and I excitedly changed into the precious red robes. It was a chilly morning but my thrill took over and I could barely feel the cold. While at the Mongar Nunnery, I learned different texts, rituals, and even sports. I recently transferred to Sangchen Dorji Lhuendrup Nunnery in Punakha. I have been on this journey for 5 years now and I have noticed that there are a lot of challenges along the way but even the Buddha did not have it easy to attain Nirvana, so I will keep the Buddha in my heart and endure the hardships to attain the highest. On this journey of self-exploration, I have learned that to achieve the discipline of the mind, it is a step by step process, one small change at a time till we reach our realization. I am thankful for this opportunity to commit full time to this journey. I get to indulge fully into text and discourse, giving me a chance to learn different aspects of Buddhist philosophy.
I earnestly pray that everyone finds inspiration and meaning in every second of their lives; for all sentient beingsโ to be freed of suffering; and above all, for Buddha Dharma to flourish at all times so that it may be the light that dispels darkness.โ
