02/18/2026
By Mike Rotchburns
TDS News
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning display of intellectual consistency that has left actual scientists reaching for the smelling salts, the same blue-check experts and cable-news anchors who branded Robert F. Kennedy Jr. a dangerous “anti-science conspiracy theorist” are the identical geniuses who spent years solemnly informing the public that Rachel Levine is a woman.
“RFK Jr. is a threat to democracy because he dares question endless boosters and lab-leak cover-ups,” said Dr. Ima Pseudoscientist, chief epidemiologist at the Institute for Whatever Feels Right This Week. “But when a 67-year-old biological male with a five-o’clock shadow demands to be addressed as ‘Admiral She,’ that’s when we follow the science without hesitation.”
The timing is especially rich: Levine’s official HHS portrait was quietly updated under the new administration to reflect her birth name, prompting the usual suspects to scream “erasure” while still insisting biological reality is far-right extremism.
Experts at the prestigious Academy of Trust the Experts confirmed that chromosomes, gametes, and basic mammalian biology are now considered outdated forms of hate speech, whereas demanding experimental mRNA shots for healthy toddlers remains “settled science.”
At press time, the same paragons of consistency were preparing a new study proving men can get pregnant if they just consume enough soy and self-ID hard enough.
