02/09/2026
GDPR PRIVACY POLICY - UPDATE - 😉
A few people have asked how I store and protect your personal data, so in the interests of complete GDPR compliance, here goes.
If you phone me, your number may initially be written in the condensation on the inside of the van window until I find a pen.
This data is securely encrypted by allowing the condensation to dry.
Later in the day, I will retrieve the data by breathing heavily onto the glass until your number reappears. It will then be transferred to a more permanent and secure storage medium - most likely a McDonald’s napkin, the back of a receipt, or whatever else happens to be lying in the passenger footwell.
The napkin will then enter our physical document management system, otherwise known as blowing around the cab for a few days.
Once I eventually get to your car, the napkin - and therefore your personal data - will be securely destroyed. Usually by putting it in the bin. Occasionally by accidentally hoovering it up.
The van windows themselves are cleaned weekly. Honestly.
Your phone number may remain stored on my mobile after we meet. This is because I now consider you a friend rather than a customer. I make friends very quickly. Even with customers who don’t pay.
This should not be confused with the fact that I simply cannot be arsed carrying a second mobile phone. Life is too short, European red tape is plentiful, and the reality of being self-employed is that time is money.
I’m not subsidised.
Should you wish to exercise your right to access, amend, erase, restrict or complain about the handling of your personal data, please contact our Data Protection Officer.
That’s me.
Should you wish to complain about the Data Protection Officer, please contact senior management.
Also me.
Should you remain dissatisfied, please feel free to speak to the lad who cleans the van windows.
Again, me.
GDPR sorted.
Done.
