30/06/2026
It seems the Airlie Beach rumour mill has been working overtime.
Yesterday both my boys rang me after hearing I'd apparently done myself a mischief at work. Then today, while talking with the Cairns office about something completely unrelated, they asked if I was alright because they'd received a welfare check from my Airlie Beach employer.
I appreciate everyone's concern, but I can assure you it really wasn't that big a deal.
What actually happened was we were towing along minding our own business when a pirate ship came charging in broadside and opened fire with her cannons. Unfortunately I lost a leg.
No dramas though. The First Mate stitched me back together, the Engineer knocked up a perfectly serviceable wooden leg, and we got straight back to work.
The following day the pirates returned, this time grappling alongside and boarding us. A sword fight broke out. I held them off as long as I could, but in the end I lost my right hand.
Again, nothing to worry about. The First Mate patched me up, the Engineer fabricated a hook, and I was back on deck before smoko.
Unfortunately hooks take a bit of getting used to.
On my first watch back a seagull flew overhead, gave a cheeky squawk, I looked up, and the miserable bastard dropped a perfectly aimed load straight into my eye.
Instinct took over. I forgot I had a hook instead of a hand and tried to wipe it away...
That's how I lost the eye.
So yes, the rumours are true. I'm now a peg-legged, hook-handed, eye patched pirate. Turns out all my dreams really did come true.
At vida pirata maritime services we know that not every story you hear on the waterfront is seaworthy... but every now and then it's worth having a laugh anyway.
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